What’s In a Name?

My View by Jim Yacavone

(June 19, 2016)

We have a problem in Fannin County—we don’t have a good, catchy nickname to call ourselves. Instead, we’re stuck with referring to ourselves by cumbersome phrases such as “Fannin County residents” or “citizens of Fannin County.” These phrases lack pizzazz. They make us sound like a census statistic rather than the wonderful people that we are. 

The standard mon­­i­kers used to identify people from a certain locale are no good. Calling ourselves Fan­nin­ites makes us sound like an obscure religious sect or a rock formation found on the ceilings of caves. Fannin Countians is a name you give to a high school math club or an organization of retired bookkeepers. Fannintonians is way too fan­cy, and Fannonians sounds like a genus of microscopic organisms.

There’s no reason we can’t have a good nickname. People in oth­er places have them. If you’re from South Boston you’re a Southie. Oklahomans call themselves Sooners. Key West residents are Conchs, and people from Maine refer to themselves as Mainiacs. What’s good enough for them is good enough for us so I started casting about for a catchy nickname to call ourselves. I think I’ve come up with a good one. We should call ourselves Fannies.

Some of you will object to calling ourselves Fannies because fanny refers to the posterior portion of the human anatomy. But think about how important fannies are. The truth is that our posteriors are under­appreciated. They are the foundation of our existence. They support us when we eat, think, create, learn, watch television and attend church.

There is very little we do that we do not depend on our derrieres to be there for us. Imagine sitting on the bench seats at a high school football game with­out the benefit of the wonderful natural cushion you were born with. Think what designer jeans would look like with­out a good posterior to fill them out. Without rear ends where would back pockets go?

In this age of political correctness, calling ourselves Fannies dem­on­strates how egalitarian and all-inclusive we are. The Washington Redskins football team is being pressured to change its name because some think it disparages Native Americans. Maranatha Baptist University recently announced it was dropping its “Crusaders” nickname because it was offensive to Arabs. It may be only a matter of time before someone com­plains about Fannin County High School teams calling themselves the Rebels because it offends Yankees.

But no one can complain that calling ourselves Fannies disparages any one group. After all, everyone has one regardless of race, creed, gender or national origin. What could be more inclusive, universal and ecumenical than being identified as Fannies? Just think, we could set the gold standard for a politically correct, non-discriminatory nickname.

Moreover, the nickname “Fannies” is catchy and lends itself to clever slogans and creative newspaper headlines. The Chamber of Commerce could promote tourism with slogans like “Come and meet our friendly Fannies.” Businesses could sell bumper stickers saying “I’m proud to be a Fanny” or “Fanny on board.” Newspapers could run headlines like “Fannies Stand Behind Local Candidate” or “Fannies Vote in Record Numbers.”

Finally, calling ourselves Fannies means local politicians will have to acknowledge every election cycle that they are proud to be a Fanny. We’ve known they were fannies for years but it will be good to hear them admit it.

So, to the people of Fannin County I say it’s time to get off your fannies and proclaim to the world that you’re proud to be a Fanny. 

That’s my view, what’s yours?